Root of the Sin in 2 Samuel 13
There is a
significant amount of pain in 2 Samuel 13.
However, before we get to the pain of this chapter let’s acknowledge
that the primary root of this pain is in lust.
Poor practices with respect to human sexuality lead to pain. But perhaps the worst part about this is that
David’s boys learned this pattern of behavior from their dad. David had little sexual control. David saw a beautiful woman and lusted after
her. He killed in order to have his
women. And he saw no problem with having
more than one. The sin we see displayed
in this chapter started at home with David.
This is a
huge lesson that we all can learn from.
Sexual sin often starts at home.
But so does the sin of pride. So
does the sin of greed. So does the sin
of slothfulness. So does the sin of lying. Children learn these and other sinful behaviors
from somewhere, and quite often they are learned in the home. How often do we see the sins of the father or
mother in the son or daughter? Take this
lesson to heart.
More than Lust
Moving
into the actual content of this chapter, we should also understand that this
chapter is not just about lust. Amnon
and Absalom were in line for the kingdom.
2 Samuel 3:2-5 tells us that Amnon was David’s first-born. Absalom was David’s third-born, but many
suspect that something had happened to Chileab by this time so Absalom was
actually behind Amnon with respect to becoming king. There was no doubt that a rivalry between
Amnon and Absalom already existed – especially given that their mothers were
different! This is not just a story of
lust, but of political intrigue. The
call of power corrupts; the call of power and lust corrupts even more
completely.
Crafty Friends
What’s even
worse is that Amnon has a “crafty” friend in Jonadab. For the record, anyone remember a certain
crafty character found in Genesis 3?
Crafty friends are not usually friends that provide positive help. Crafty friends are people who usually come up
with ways for us to find ourselves in trouble.
Lust
Now let’s
talk about the sin of lust. The politics
and the “bad choice in friends” don’t make the lust any easier to defeat,
that’s for sure. So Amnon lusts after
Tamar. How do we know this is what we call
lust and not love? Love does not reject
a person after having sexual intercourse with them. Love embraces the recipient of the act all
the more! Love does not lead to anything
after sex except for a deeper commitment.
This is not what Amnon has for Tamar.
Amnon hates Tamar after he has spoiled her virginity. Amnon didn’t want Tamar; he wanted the
conquest of a beautiful virgin. That’s
not love; it never has been.
We should
learn something from this as well. How
many times in our modern culture do men and women throw around their sexuality
without thinking about it? How common is
extra-marital sexual relations? How
common is it for people to live together and have sex with one another before
being married? I don’t want to make a
universal judgment, but I doubt very much that in these cases that true love is
behind the motivation for sex. Our
culture could stand to learn that having sex outside of marriage is actually a
bad sign about the health of the relationship.
It is a sign that the couple is being driven by lust and not love. Relationships built on lust simply don’t
last. They end bitterly – often with one
– or often both – partners hating the other.
The Response of the Father
What about
David, here? What does the passage say
that David did? Nothing. The passage says that David was angry; but
David did nothing. At the very least,
David could have forced Amnon to pay the bride price to Tamar – or her mother.
I think
there is a very clear reason behind David’s inaction. The sin of the children hit far too close to
home. After all, how could David dare
judge any of his sons about sexual promiscuity without being a hypocrite,
right? When David’s sons do as he did,
how can he say anything?
Fear of
being a hypocrite is no excuse. We are
all hypocrites. We all have places in
our life where the old saying “do as I say, not as I do” applies. We do not have an excuse to stay silent in
the presence of sin simply because speaking up with expose our own hypocrisy. That’s a recipe for giving victory to the
Devil. That is a recipe for generational
sin as we see present here in this passage.
Want to know why generational sin continues to exist? It is because parents are unwilling to
correct the sin that they see in their children because it means they would be
judging themselves as well.
Where does
this all end up? Amnon lay dead at the hand
of his brother. David’s inactivity is of
no use to Absalom. While David could
have guided Absalom and helped him through his rage, David did nothing. Absalom is left to defend the honor of his
sister as much as he could, and the result is the death of Amnon.
Is Sex Worth It?
In the
end, I am left wondering if Tamar was worth it to Amnon. Was one moment of forced sexual experience
worth an early trip to the grave? Was
one sexual experience worth turning something that had once been beautiful in
his eyes into something that he now hated?
So I have
to ask a question to the rest of us who are alive to read this: is any single sexual act worth these
consequences today? If the answer you
come up with is “No, it isn’t worth it” – which is the answer I arrive at, too
– then why is sexual promiscuity such a problem in our culture? Now that’s a question worth pondering over.
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